I'm lost and stupid without you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
