Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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