Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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