I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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