Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Did you just see the Batmobile???
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
