K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
