Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
