I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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