I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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