Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize