Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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