I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
