Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
