you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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