How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
