I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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