I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
