i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
