My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize