I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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