my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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