If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
