You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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