I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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