just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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