I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
