yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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