And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
