Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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