I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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