im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
