There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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