I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
