i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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