I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
