I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
