Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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