I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
