so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
