please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
