Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
