he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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