the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
