Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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