so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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