even my farts smell like vagina
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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