Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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