Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
