So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
