he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
