accomplished twins. life is a go
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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