I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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