I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
