Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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