Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
