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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.

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• (+43): View more from

  She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Agreed.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it

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• (845): View more from New York

  Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?

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