Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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