you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
