I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm always down for nudity.
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