This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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