My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
