what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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