i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
