I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
