i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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