One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
