just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
organizing the empties. That sober.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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