Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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