My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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