I'm so fucking centered right now
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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