I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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