It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
try to milk me bitch
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
