I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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