i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
