the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
