The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
