Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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