Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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