I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
