You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
