do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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